One sunny spring afternoon after Matt and I moved into the house I grew up in, I was sitting in my office (which was in my old bedroom) enjoying the breeze, when I suddenly got the urge to go ride bikes. A week later, I’d bought a new bike from the shop down the street. Two weeks later, I’d tried to ride it and it was promptly stored in the garage.

During our first outing in Romy, we saw a gent cruising around on an electric bike and decided that seemed a more logical route. I did a bunch of research, found some really reasonable bikes on Amazon with good REAL reviews (Tomasar brand), and decided to order them. There was one bike on the page that had poor reviews (Ancheer brand), so on August 10, I carefully ordered two of the well-reviewed bikes in a style we both liked.

Yeah, you know what happened next. We got the crappy bikes.

I contacted Amazon, who in turn contacted the non-Prime, third-party seller (Korie), who responded on August 29:

Dear customer,

Thank you for contacting us and we are so sorry for this issue. But
please do not worry, we will try our best to help you.

As you said receivd the wrong item, do you mean the brand?

We are Ancheer authorized store in Amazon and Ancheer is the factory, so
please don't worry, it is indeed the Tomasar bike that you ordered. 

Except this,may i know is there other issue of the item?

After we verify the specific issue clearly, we will offer reasonable
solution to resolve this issue for you.  Is this ok? 

Thank you in advance. Please trust us, we will resolve this issue for
you properly.

Waiting for your reply.

Respectfully yours
Jane.

“Please trust us” was the least of the BS in this response, as I was soon to learn. I told them I’d looked at the user manual and it was not the Tomasar bike, it was an Ancheer, and I wanted to return it.

August 29

hello Linn 

Thank you so much for your reply.

We are sorry for the inconvenience, please kindly accept my apology.

but it is right the Korie bike you ordered, we are Ancheer authorized
store in Amazon. We did sent the right bike to you.

Is there any misunderstand? Our bike has one year warranty, if you meet
any problems or have any demands, you can email us freely.

Maybe you can try the bike first? It won't let you down.

Thank you so much for your attention.

Respectfully,     
Jane. 

September 1

I don’t care that you’re an Ancheer authorized store, I ordered the Tomasar model.  This bike is not the same model as the one I ordered.  I do not want these bikes.  I want to return them.  I do not want to “try” them.   PLEASE provide information to return these bikes.

This is not a ten dollar widget I can learn to get used to, this is a $1400 purchase which is a LOT of money.  I DO NOT WANT THESE ANCHEER BIKES.

Thank you, 
~Linn Elliott

September 2
Dear customer,

Sorry to receive the Claim. We do apologize for all the inconvenience.

I do not mean to bother you, we really want to resolve it properly.

1. As you know the unit is so big and heavy, it's expensive and
inconvenient to return. How about we refund you $250 as compensation.
Maybe you can resell the 2 bikes with a nice price?

2. If you still want to return, we respect,  please make sure what you
shipped is exactly the same as we send to you. It must be no damage and
packed original. 

Company name： RTN SERVICE
Contact name：AM DEPT 203
street: 15680 Salt Lake Avenue,                                     
city: City of Industry
state:  CA 
post code: 91745 
country: United States  

We don't have free shipping on it and won't pay full refund if the item
was returned not as same as what we shipped out.

Return address is for return only, no replacement or repair service.

Sincerely,
Jane. 

Realizing that our planned departure was a month away and we had other more important issues to deal with, Matt and I decided to just return the bikes via FedEx, the original shipper, on our own dime. We took them to the FedEx storefront up the street, who let us know that the hazardous materials tag on the box was incorrect and I’d have to contact their HazMat shipping team by phone. Oh, neat.

FedEx HazMat was easy to reach and understood what I was going through, but their hands were tied. They actually shouldn’t have accepted the package as it was, since it had been labelled for “Hazardous Materials Misc/Dry Ice/Hair Spray” and it was actually lithium ion batteries. They told me that the original shipper needed to have a specific hazmat certification and should be able to provide me with the documentation I’d need to return the bikes. I assured FedEx there was no chance in hell the shipper was either certified or could give me what I needed. They said I could maybe find a shipping consultant that would be able to give me the documentation… yeah, no.

I called Amazon, explained the situation, and was assured they’d get the return handled through Korie. See reference to BS above. They did send this note to the seller:

September 6

Hello,

We’ve been contacted by a customer regarding the order identified below.

——————–
Order#: [redacted]
Item: Tomasar Folding Electric Bike w/ 26 Inch Wheel, Lithium-Ion Battery (36V 250W), Premium Full Suspension and Shimano Gear, 2 Working Mode (US Stock)

Reason: Other

Details: Please handle the return for the item because customer should not be the one who will take care of this. Schedule a prepaid pick-up if possible.
——————-

September 6
Hello Linn ,

thank you so much for email back again.

I do not mean to bother you, but the bike if the bike has no nay issue,
it is realy hard to accept a return, hope for your kind understanding.

you see, you even have not use the bike, our product has one year
warranty, the quality is really nice.

maybe you can try to use the bike first and then decide to return it or
not, is this fine? 

Or would you kindly tell us what your are worried about?  we will try
our best to meet your need, is this fine? 

we feel really sad that we even don't know what happened to the bikes.
we are the same people, you are buyer, I am a small staff, it is not
easy to make a living for both of us.  Thank you so much for your
understanding.

Respectfully,     
Jane. 

The next day, I was notified that my A-to-Z Guarantee Claim was denied, with no reason given. The response when I called to raise holy hell my concerns?

September 8

Hello,

Although we understand your position, you will need to return the item to the seller before we can move forward with this claim. We know that this is not your ideal solution, but we do believe it is a fair one.

If you want to keep this claim open, please reply to this message with the return details.

To help resolve your claim quickly, we are happy to check in on the progress of your return. Simply reply with the name of the courier and the tracking number. If we see that your return has arrived and the seller has not issued a refund, we will contact the seller.

Sincerely,
[there was no name here as no-one wanted to claim even pseudonymic responsibility]

There ensued a series of phone calls and denials that escalated into me sobbing into the phone, apologizing, sobbing some more and the CSR clearly freaked out and hoping to get me off the phone before the end of his shift.

September 7

Please furnish me with the proper Category 9 Hazardous Materials shipping documents so that I may return these bikes.  FedEx indicates I need documents for OP900PRP shipping in order to legally and properly ship lithium ion batteries and that you, as the shipper, must provide these documents.

Thank you.

~Linn Elliott

September 9
Dear customer,

Thank you for your update. 

We feel really sorry, because when we sent the bike to you, fedex didn't
ask for it, we don't have such a file.  hope for your kind
understanding.

If has been passed for some tine, did you use the bikes? 

We really don't want to bother you again, as you know that return it
needs too much time and brings too much inconvenience, and the shipping
postage is really expensive.

In order to make up your disappointment and minimize both of our loss,
how about we refund you 300 USD as compensation? 

Could you pls keep them  as a gift, or resell them with a nice price,
don't return back to us?

Or if you have any suggestion, please feel free to contact us,we are
sure to provide you a better shopping experience.

Waiting for your reply.

Yours sincerely,
Jane. 

I am really, really starting to hate Jane. A lot.

September 28

Since you will not help me return this item, and I cannot ship it back because it was not properly labeled, I have no choice.  I accept your offer of $300.  Please tell me when I can expect this sum.
This has been a horrible experience.  

October 3
Dear customer,

so sorry to keep you wait due to the national day of our country.

So do you mean you will accept the $300 refund and keep the bike? so
appreciated that you can give the bikes the chance.

if it is, we will process the refund at once.

waiting for your final confirm.

sincerely,
Jane. 

Hello customer,
 
Thanks for your understanding.
 
In this case, we have refunded you $300, the refund will reach your
Amazon account in 3 days. 

Normally Amazon will email you with the refund information.  

Sorry again for all the inconvenience. we will improve the customer
service and quality to ensure our customers will have great shopping
experience. 

Wish the bikes can have good use to you. 

It's our great honor to serve for you.  If you have any other questions,
please feel free to contact us. 

Have a nice day. 
Jane 

In the end, Amazon refunded $40 shipping and $200 “customer service”, and Korie refunded $300. At this point, we were in Cedar Breaks Park in Austin and had already wrecked our roof and our spirits were broken. Matt tried to assemble one of the bikes but the instructions were for a different bike, and the parts were so cheaply made that they weren’t remotely going together properly.

It was clearly a week to admit defeat, so we decided to hell with it and donated both bikes (one still in the unopened box) to the Yellow Bike Project. They were over the moon, we were glad to be done with this stupid story, and we realized we were close enough to la Barbecue to save the day with the best brisket we’ve ever eaten.

The End

Well, the moral of the story, if there must be one, is NEVER spend more on a third party seller on Amazon than you’re willing to lose, because in the end, Amazon does not actually have your back. I’ve been a Prime member for over 10 years and have spent thousands of dollars with them, and I feel I was treated as though I were trying to scam them for funsies.

So that happened.